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22 Jan 2008

it doesn't make sense
we've been married for three years and i had a miscarriage between christmas and new year (unplanned preganancy) i was 5 weeks pregnant.
we have been through a hectic year and it didn't start better.
my hubby came home on the 4th of january from work and told me he is going on a trip overseas for 5 days (he was in a job where he went on trips alot and he changed jobs because he didn't want to go away) so for the past year he didn't go away at all. he just came home. they did ask him if he can go, and he said yes.

i was upset because he didn't ask what i think. i went in for the op on thursday and he left for the airport when i got out of the operating room. he made a big scene at the hospital as he wanted to see me before he left, wrote me a nice letter.

thing is, on friday and saturday, i didn't hear from him, not a word, not a phone call. i don't understand why... i felt alone, scared and my emotions just got the best of me.

we have been to a shrink and he has alot of issues with depression. he is not the type that would hand out hugs and kisses but when the miscarriage happened he was loving and the best hubby ever.

it has happened in the past when he goes away on trips, he will make sure that i am left without money so that i stay at home, but he will then go out and lie about it. he promised he wont' that again.

please tell me what i should do. it feels like the love i had for him died. i have alot of resentment towards him and i cry alot but i never tell him how much i resentment and i don't show it.
Answer 423 views

01 Jan 0001

Awful timing, wasn't it. Its hard to know the circumstances within anyone else's job --- sometimes one is in a situation in which you really have to accept a request to travel, etc., if you want to keep the job --- and perhaps he felt pressured in such a way, and felt it would be in your best longer-term interests for him to accept ? At least it's only for 5 days. From your description he has been extra loving and attentive through the miscarriage phase, ( and remember, this can also be somewhat traumatic for the male, too ). However, the bit about leaving you without money sounds rather sinister and unnecessary. Overall, it sounds like all this is further material you both need to discuss when seeing the shrink together. let him know about the sense of resentment and the crying --- and work on this in therapy together
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