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10 Dec 2012

Jealousy
Re: Post 530. So I really tried to contain my jealousy but when yet again his phone went in the middle of the night I sarcastically blurted out if it was his ex wife again. He went nuts. Said he can''t live like this and that the relationship is over (we''ve been together for 5 very bumpy years). He''s given me 2 chances to sort my jealousy over his ex out and I''ve blown both chances. He refuses to give me another one. Before when I said I needed to speak to a psycologist about it he said he has a problem with that because psycologists are a waste of money and only tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better. So besides my last post to you I havent spoken to anyone about this and have been bottling it up just trying to get help from internet articles. I am also angry because he had major jealousy and possessiveness problems with me over the 5 years and I stuck with him through it but now when I have a jealousy problem because he is back in contact with ex (son is 30 years old) he isn''t prepared to help me with it. 3 strikes and you are out attitude. I need to walk away from this relationship with some dignity. Please advice how to do that because all I want to do is beg and plead with him to stay.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

That its been very bumpy years is signiicant. And as generally, nobody normally phones anyone in the middle of the night, or even late at night, unless its a genuine emergency, or the call has been pre-arranged ( but if that later had been the case, he'd surely have found a way to be out of you earshot when it came in ).
But YOU have not stuffed up this relationship : stop blaming yourself ( you do it almost as though this has become a habit ).
Why do you accept his plopy of making this entirely your problem - "YOUR jealousy" ? Someone who is genuinely an ex does not phone at night, even if her homne is on fire.
So he doesn't like psychologists because they'd say anything to make you feel better ? ( inaccurate, of course ) - but he feels its fine for him to say anything to make you feel worse. And his real fear is that a psychologist would help you to see through his brain-washing and recognize his faults.
DO NOT BEG OR PLEAD with him. That's probably make him obscenely happy, but wouldn't achieve anything useful. No need for complex discussions with him. make your own safe plans to walk away and be self-sufficient, and then tell him you're going. Maybe add a forwarding adress for any post that arrives after you leave. And assure him you won't phone him in the middle of the night.
SO he is determined to leave ? Wave goodbye cheerfully and thank your luck. Then change the locks.
See a counsellor for your own good, and work through your bad habit of feeling attached to a guy who isn't worthy of you.
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