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11 Aug 2010

Jealouy - 4yr old
My baby''s father and I broke up when she was 18months old. She is now 4. 3months ago we got back together again, she is now showing jealous traits. She doesnt like the fact that her dad and I kiss each other goodbye. He cant hug me etc. She even told him that he is not a kid so he cannot sleep next to me. She is used to being the most important person in my life and her dad''s but seperately. She told my sister that I dont love her anymore and my sister explained to her that mommy''s have enough love for baby''s and daddy''s but she doesnt want to understand. How do I deal with this.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

So for quite a time, she had you all to herself, exclusively- and now feels she's losing a bit of your love if you show any sign of giving any to anyone else. Interesting ( kids guess at what the rules of life are ) that she sees cuddling and sleeping with someone as a privilege that should be limited to kids.
Its not that she doesn't want to understand - our capacity to understand more complex incepts grows with us, and some types of thinking a really young kid just can't grasp. The idea, for instance, that love is infinite ; that the more love you give away, the more you have left, ; is more sophisticated than she can grasp at this age. To her it's more like a loaf of bread - the more you give him, the less must be left for her.
Purple's points are well made. Maybe plan some activities for the 3 of you, to share things to do and affection too.
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