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14 Jan 2005
Welcome to Air Zimbabwe
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming both seated and standing
passengers on board of Air Zimbabwe. We apologize for the four-day
delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had
to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 126 to Harare. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
will end up somewhere in Zimbabwe. If luck is in our favour, we may
even be landing on your village!
Air Zimbabwe has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 30% of our
passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we serve complimentary Stella tea and Rambawaraira biscuits!
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can
help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will
be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do
let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
fasten your set-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ... and for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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