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05 Dec 2005

lesbian sex
hi everyone. I am a lesbian. I don't have a orgasm during sex. i enjoy sex for a while but then feel awkard when my partner climaxes and i can't. wat should i do? I love my girlfrien very much and we both want to have a more fulfilling sex life. we dont use sex toys. if you advise this, what and where from?
And to anyone who can help: Thank You
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Honey, welcome here and thanks for your post.

You don't tell us whether you're able to orgasm during masturbation or whether you've been able to orgasm previously with your partner, or whether you were orgasmic with previous partners. Not being able to reach orgasm could be due to many factors, including stress, medical factors, a fear of loss of 'control', sexual inexperience or your partner not knowing how to satisfy you.

I suggest that you invest some time in exploring your own body through masturbation. Explore how your body responds to various sensations, and discover what works for you and what doesn't. Ensure that you're relaxed, physically comfortable and that your privacy won't be interrupted. Don't TRY to reach orgasm - simply explore the pleasures of your body. Use a lubricant and use a toy if you want to, and indulge. Only when you really know and understand how you respond sexually will you be able to convey this to your partner. Let her watch you stimulate and pleasure yourself. It sounds as if you focus on pleasing her - maybe you need to be a touch more selfish and allow yourself more attention.

Until then, I wouldn't necessarily advise you to buy a sex toy as it may simply perpetuate the problem - your girlfriend may love it but you may feel left out and frustrated.

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