Ask an expert
Question

28 Jun 2011

Life partner not interested in sex :-/
Hello
Myself and my partner are in our early 40''s. It seems that he has lost his sex drive ... for the past 6 - 9 months i initiate it .. and it always feels like he is doing me a favour ....

We hardly have sex 2 - 3 times a month. is our sex drive suppose to die down as we get older?
Is he not interested anymore ?

Do I mention it tp him - without him feeling he is being accussed?
I''m a little stuck on what to do - if i do mention it to him .. will i feel that he is only having sex to please me again ?
Answer 448 views
Expert
Sexologist
sexologist

01 Jan 0001

Dear Christine,

You raise a number of questions in your posting and it is difficult to give you a global answer so I will deal with each part individually.

As we grow older our bodies do undergo changes and these changes do impact on our sexuality and this does result in us needing to adapt our sexual activities to these changes to continue experiencing pleasure and satisfaction sexually.

One of the factors that impact on men over 40 is the recent research that found significant drop in testosterone levels in men over 40 and it is advised that men have their testosterone levels checked as part of their yearly medical. Low levels of testosterone does impact on sex drive for men.

So no your sex drive is not "supposed to die down" as you grow older, but it does undergo changes.

Whether he is not interested anymore cannot be answered by me. Only your partner will know that.

As for what to do about this I would suggest that you do need to raise it with him to ensure the possibility of dealing with it. What is important is how you raise it. An approach where you let him know that you are concerned about your sex life as a couple because you would like him and you to enjoy intimate, satisfying, pleasureable and fun sex as you grow older together may be received more positively. Normalise that you are both growing older and that you may need to make some changes to ensure that you can continue to have a healthy sex life as you continue on your relationship journey ahead could set the stage for the discussion.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9322 votes
No
67% - 18697 votes
Vote