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06 Aug 2010

Loneliness &amp  Suicide
Me again, the loneliness is driving me to suicide thoughts of me an my daughter (10). What the hell is wrong with me????? On top of all this crap I have financial problems that I am R2000 over budget every month. Is suicide the solution for now, the quick solution? I try to pry, but it is not working. I am depressed and frustrated and can''t get out of it. This is NOT me!!! I am suppose to be the strong mother, the bubbly one, the mentally capable of everything. I can''t... I just can''t anymore. I tried to speak to life line in benoni, e-mailed them my whole story after I couldn''t reach them on the phone and still no reply ... another REJECTION in my life. Sorry but F*CK this, I can''t, I honestly can''t. Maybe a bridge on the way home from work today is a good way to park my car. See why does sh*t like this come into my mine???????? I want to end all but then you say I am selfish and all that shit but when you get to where I am mentally and emtionally it is I dont give a shit what you think. I am not like this sorry of r the swear words, it is pure frustration!!!!!!!!!
Answer 496 views

01 Jan 0001

Morning, Sweets,
Suicide is NEVER the solution - it's the problem. If you're R 200 over budget each month, is it possible to trim that budget in some way, until you get through this spell ?
Very disappointing that you didn't manage to get Lifeline on the phone that time - but it wasn't, of course, any rejection of YOU - they didn't have a system to identify incoming calls, and then said : "Oh, if it's HER, don't answer !" Maybe your local community was having a very bad week, and had temporarily overwhelmed their lines ? Maybe Telkom had messed up their lines ( they've done that often enough to me over the years, but I recognize it as due to idiocy a Telkom, noty as anything wrong with me. )
Who has said you're selfish ? Certainly not I ! You may be self-absorbed and self-focussed right now - but that's so understandable.
Yes, of course you're frustrated. You've been struggling and at THIS particular stage don't see the fruits of all that effort. But continue, please, to be determined and ingenious in getting the help you need. IF the local Lifeline is out of oprder for some reason, isn't there another nearby reachable branch to call ? Why not present yourself to your nearest large hospital casualty and explicitly describe your situation and ask for help ? Don't ALLOW the services to neglect you and your child, and get whatever help can be garnered.
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