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28 Feb 2009

Lost my Joy
Hi Doc
I used to be a cheerful, happy and fun person. Had a great sense of humour and generally saw all the good life has to offer.
In the last two years I have gone through a messy divorce (my life was threatened), moved towns, sent a son of to Varsity, buried my mom and remarried. I am blessed with amazing, wonderful and trouble free children, a loving and considerate husband and what is by comparison an easy and laid back life. But somewhere along the line I lost my joy.
In the beginning I would put it down to the divorce, the move, my mom etc until now I just feel numb. My mood swings from one minute to the next, I am irritable, lose my patience easily, do not feel like going out and sleeping at night is a distant memory. Everything is just too much trouble and effort. If I could, I would stay in bed till lunch time, which I have done. I don' t cry - I switch off and reason there is no point talking about it because people around me are busy with their own lives. Talking is so difficult. I feel useless, ugly and the worse wife/mother around on my worst days. On the good days I feel almost euphoric, happy and full of energy but the good days are so few between now.
I was diagnosed with depression about ten years ago, after a traumatic event, and was put onto Aropax which I hated. The side effects were awful and it completely ruined my sex life so I stopped taking it and had completely recovered after about 8 months.
My question: is this state of mind something that will get better over time or do I need to get professional help and medication. If I do, is their a medication out there with less side effects than the Aropax? My intimate life is very important to me and I do not want to lose that.
I have thought of suicide ... somedays I just think it preferable to living with all these emotions and this heavy darkness. Then I feel so guilty because I truly do have a beautiful life and people who love me. I just wish I had my Joy back.
Thank you.
Answer 367 views

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like a pretty good description of a Depression, and one which should respond well to CBT counselling and antdepressants. Untreated depressions MAY, if you are lucky, last 8 to 9 months, but they can be hell in the meantime. There are many antidepressants to choose from, including some like Wellbutrin which don't usually have sexual side-effects ; and Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) which is highly effective and a talking rather than a chemical treatment. It is strongly adviseable that you get professional advice and help, especially from a psychiatrist, for assessment and a discussion of treatment options. Why even allow yourself to think of suicide, when you haven't fully explored, with patience and expert advice, the treatments available to you ? And remember how devastating that would be for your family and children.
Go, get your joy back !
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