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05 Jul 2010

Love oneself
How does one learn to love oneself? I am one who changes and adapts around people to gain external affirmation. I know where it comes from (past trauma and emotionaly neglectful parenting) but I guess knowledge is not everything. I was told in therapy that I blame myself and tend to take responsibility for other people''s feelings. How do I stop that? I have a husband who loves me but I struggle to love back. I have 2 beautiful children who I struggle to show affection to if only because at times I feel like I am going to be sucked dry/suffocated. It''s a vicious circle - the more I struggle to show affection, the more I blame myself, the less affection I show. Do I just go through the motions of trying to be affectionate and hope one day something sticks?
Answer 429 views

01 Jan 0001

Maybe start more gently by learning to LIKE oneself ? And in counselling / therapy, part of the task will often be to reduce one's felt need for external affirmation. Knowledge in an entirely intellectual sense often fails to solve the problem ( tellling me why the car's engine is making that awful noise is useless in enabling me to fix the problem - I don't even know how to open the bonnet / hood ).
Work on taking responsibility for your OWN feelings, and let others take care of theirs.
And dont't entirely knock "going through the motions" - there's evidence to show that when one starts by behaving in a way that resembles how you want to fel, your feelings and attitudes tend to move towards the state you are initially simulating.
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