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01 Jul 2011

loving
hi, me and my bf has been together for 2 years and 6 months,
we were engaged for a year until last september when his brther passed away, he needed space, which i gave him,we got back together but its never the same anymore, we fight continueously,evry 5 minutes, we now have sex maybe once a month, he stays with his mom, and i with mine,he came to live with me for a short while but we decided it best for him to stay withhis mom as he lost his job, and him and my moms bf dont get along.financially i cant afford a place for us to stay together, i sed to buy and spend alot on him, i just dont feel like doing it since he always rude with me. i still pay his bank loan, which i will be finished with this month. some how i get a feeling after that he will write me off.
this month i also have some 3000 rand extra, and were going to spend it on myself and my mom, cause i dont spend on myself usually, but the dog had to get emergency medical treatment which i offered to pay as my mom cant, so when he found out about it he was so angry, telling me i am stupid, going on and on about it.i told him it is my money, he doesnt even want to get married so he does not even have the smallest say on what i do with my money, but he sayd i must not cry if i cant pay my debts one month, cause he does not want to hear it.... even if i do cry about it with him, he wont be able to help me, cause he is too lazy to find a new job.if he at least pretended things are ok with us, or we were married, he could have a say on my hard earned money.
tomorrow is his birthday, he asked me not to buy gift, he wanted the money, already spend it, now i ordered some snacks to celebrate his bday at my place, but he does not want to come?he wants to be with his family.

i realise now that our relationship is never gonna be ok again, and we are set for disaster.
i realy love him so much, but together we aint good.
the main thing is ... how do i release my heart from him, how do i loosen myself from him, because even if he does not love me totally, i still love him truly, but knows it wont work, so i need to part from him permanently.(i did try beforeit does not work, after sex we are togeter again)

please give me advice on how to let go of him.
thnk you.
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Expert
Sexologist
sexologist

01 Jan 0001

Hi there,

As I read your story my heart really went out to you. What also stood out for me is that you are also a smart and intuitive women.

As you wrote the history of your relationship you clearly came to your own insight about your relationship and your boyfriend and you have realised that he is to respecting and valueing you as you deserve to be valued and that the relationship is not working.

It takes alot more that loving someone for a relationship to work.

There is no easy way to let go of some one. You need to hold onto your insight and trust your intuition and end the relationship as you realised in your posting.

Then you need to allow time to be your healer. Get together with your friends. Do fun things together and put your mind and energy on other things for a while.

In time it gets easier.
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