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30 Nov 2005

Hi Forum and Expert

Thankyou for your caring response. Like you said love is not a rational thing. But the feelings in my heart I cannot rationalise over. I know I have the power to control my emotions, but I dont have the will anymore. I love this guy with all my heart. It really does not matter if he does not love me anyway, I will always love him. Life is about choices, I have made mine. God made me they way he did, I am not superman, and If I should be misderable for more years to come at least I know I loved someone who was worth loving. I cannot minimse contact with him, we work in a team of two persons at work, so that option I cannot follow unless I resign and financially I cannot do that
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Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi again MadlyinLove,

You will need to assume some level of responsibility for your circumstances before you can begin to change them - if indeed you really do want to change them. Your message exudes a mild aroma of your being a 'victim', without any ability to exert control or to make decisions. You state quite clearly that you have decided to remain in this complex situation ("Life is about choices, I have made mine").

I can only assume that there may be some sense of benefit or gain in this for you. Possibly you derive a sense of meaning or value from this - perhaps it reinforces a perception that you're not entitled to more or it prevents you from having to deal with the risks associated with entering a new relationship. Sometimes experiencing a negative emotion makes people feel 'alive' (feeling something negative is better than not feeling anything at all). Some people define themselves in terms of the negativity in their lives.

He may very well be worth loving but this isn't about him - its about you. You say nothing about your own worthiness or value and I think that's where you need to focus.

A counsellor may be able to help you reframe the relationship and understand why you've chosen to hide behind it for such an extended period.
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