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Question

24 Apr 2006

Manners and children - how do you teach them now?& is it my job?I don't think so but i have to live with them.
Subject: Children with no manners
Posted by: Chucky's Step Mother
Message:
My child is 4 and she has manners. She's been taught to say please and thank you. To take dirty cups to the kitchen. She gives hugs and kisses and say's I love you. She say's good morning and nighty nite.

My boyfriends kids do none of the above. They also pick at their food and will eat sweets and stuff half an hour after not eating supper. They will run around the house naked after a bath. The 10year old will never take a towel into the bathroom and then he will shout every single night for anyone to bring him a towel. Every single night.

I shouted at the entire family last nite for 45minutes trying to get them to understand that we live together and as such we need to respect and have manners. They are rude will interupt you in any sentence and yes I could go on and on. Once my daughter goes to bed they will come into the room and put the light on and look for things and they become more noisy.

Discussing this with my boyfriend has no result because all that happens is I get the silent treatment. He say's they are sloppy because I am. Monkey see monkey do, so why is my child so perfectly taught ? Why ? Because she gets a smack if she doesnt!

He talks and talks to them over and over with no result. Some nights I'm in bed and I hear him shout STOP! over and over because the sibling rivalry is unbelievable, I just withdraw to my room and so does my child. He spends aprox. 1 hour per day with the kids due to his workload.

Please help me before I kill one of them.

Answer 381 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

From the sound of it, your bf's kids have been badly brought up, allowed to develop bad habits, and have not been encouraged to behave well. If they are not given sweets after not eating a meal, they couldn't eat them. if the 10 year-old always neglects to take a towel into the bathroom with him, and shouts for someone else to bring it --- let him shout, but nobody ought to take him a towel. Let him choose between taking a towel with him, and dealing with having no towel when he emerges from the bath. If there are no unwelcome consequences to bad behaviour, why would someone choose to stop doing it ?
Watch Supernanny on DSTV channel 40 at 8 on Friday nights. And apply the methods from that and the Little Angels series I recommended earlier --- and these are described well in many postings mentioning those series, which you will find in the archives of this forum. And it is essential, in any attempt to discipline unruly kids, that the mom and dad are in agreement and react in concert ; differences between you, inconsistencies, will never allow any form of discipline to work.
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