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15 May 2004

Marriage a mistake
Dear Doc,

I don't know what to do. I am married for the second time, but two years down the line I think this marriage is a mistake! A divorce is out of the question as we are married in community of property (he insisted on that when we got married).

I admit I married the man because I was lonely after 5 years on my own. When I first met him I was very much in love with him, but now I find living with him very difficult! He is very possesive and between my husband and my job, I have no time to myself. I am really confused. I was not happy in my first marriage, not happy living alone, not happy in my second marriage. I don't know what I want out of life. I don't understand myself!! Perhaps I expect too much from life.

I do not have money or time to go for councilling. After my divorce I went for councilling, but it did not help me at all.

I feel very despontant right now.

Thanks for you time
Emma.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Emma,
I suppose one ought never to marry in community of property if one has any doubts, but it's easy to be wise in retrospect, isn't it ? Sorry that after your divorce you found a duff counsellor who wasn't able to help as much as they ought to be able to.
If you need counselling ( or anything else ) to enable you to feel better and achieve more independence, then you need it and a way has to be found to find the time and money for it. You deserve no less. If he won't join you in marriage counselling ( it sounds like he wouldn't ) then look after yourself, and use the opportunity to clarify what you want. Until you can select a fruitful destination, there's no good way to choose how to get there ; but once your needs and aims are clearer, it's much easier to plan how to get there from here.
LOuise is quite right -- there are ways for you to achieve what you need, if you know what it is and if you want it badly enough.
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