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19 Feb 2009

Married a wrong guy
I have been married to my husband for nine years he is 35 and i am 28, we have two boys aged 8 and 11 months. My problem is my husband does not want to explore technologically and socially.He is too traditional and he does not want to live a youthful live.
He was a heavy drinker before and arriving home late every weekend and three years back he has changed into a christian person.
There is no fun together what he does at the moment is going to work and come home to sleep if he does not feel like going to church.He goes to church every day after work if he likes.
He does not want me to go out with my married girlfriends and he does not like to go out too, even as to take our kids to macdonalds.If i can go out with my friends he will call me and said he is coming to fetch me as early as 2/3 pm.Me and my friends has kids of the same age so my older son is always complaining about being home every weekend and wishing to visit one of my friend' s kids so his dad will deny him that.

Last night i talked to him about planning a birthday party for my little boy he is turning 1 year and he said to me our baby is so young to realise some birthday party it is just a waste of money.
I explained to him that two weeks back my friend baby was turning 1 year and my boy enjoyed that moment and he just looked at me and said that is why i came to fecth you so early i dont want my boys to be corrupted by this s' ' ' ' ' ' ' t parties.

He does not know how to use a PC let alone use cellphone wich is techonologically advance.For the past eight years i was busy studying, working and studying part time but he always say next year.he earns around R7000 and i get R5000.

Our house and car are all paid up we dont owe anything at the moment exept some clothing stores. I always try to explain to him that this is the time to enjoy ourselves but he is too deaf.The moment we go out is to visit his old uncle at thats it.And again he does not want me to get a helper at home saying he does not like to have stranger in his house, i can not manage my house chores, kids and him because i am working.Sorry for a long story but i feel terrible, before it was his drinking but now it is his attitude, some times i feel like leaving him.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It sounds as though he has become as addicted to a verkrampte view of hi religion as he once was to alcohol. If that suits him, that's fine, but to impose his glum and joyless view of life on you and the children, is unfair. If he has a foolish reason for no wanting a helper for the housework, then it is his duties to share all those chores with you, rather than expecting you to be his unpaid helper.
Worse makes a good point that he may be imposing this gloomy life-style to help him avoid the temptations of old --- but that does't excuse making the life of you and the kids, miserable. Couples counselling would be a good idea, but I wouldn't be surprised if he rejected it. DOes he belong to and attend a church which fully supports his views regarding your life and the children ? Or is it possible there is a minister at his church you could discuss this with, who might encourage him to loosen up at least as regards your lives ?
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