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07 Mar 2003

MARRIED TO A STRANGER
I have been married for 5 years and have been with my hasband for 11 years, he has always been a very respectful person but 5 years ago the year we got married he also lost his second bother in a car accident. since then I have noticed a change in him that has developed slowly over the years. He has become aggressive and started to do things that were totally out of character. A while ago we had a huge fight he left and went to a stripclub and supposedly slept outside a family members house in his car, then I found some strange numbers and they turned out to be the phone numbers of prostitutes. When confronted he said he phoned to enquire but never followed through. I have difficulty beleiving him and cant seem to move forward and save my marriage because I feel like I have not been told everything I just want the truth Its killing me to live with someone I dont trust and sometimes I feel like I hate him. We carry on as if everything is fine and he just wants to forget about everything he has done but I cant. He says he is sorry and it will never happen again but I dont beleive him. I dont know what to do anymore all I want is for him to be honest so that I can move on with or without him. We have a two year old child and I think this is affecting her because of the way I am feeling all the time.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Tovah,
Suspicions are hard to put to rest. If the guy did something wrong, and has lied about it so far, after discovering how severely you reacted to the suspicions, he would hardly be motivated to admit to the truth, for fear of worse consequences. And if he actually did nothing wrong, he's in a worse spot --- how do you prove a negative ? How could he prove that he Didn't do something you suspect ? As for the phone numbers, well, hey're obviously worrying for you. Though I do understand that one of the major annoyances of a prostitute's life is the number of no-shows, of people who phone but don't show up ; and clearly a far larger number of folks think about it, especially when feeling rejected and miserable, without even making the phone call.
Wouldn't the fairest and most beneficial thing for you both, be to see a marriage counsellor, ( eg FAMSA ) and really work together on understanding and healing this relationship, to which you both sound genuinely committed ?
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