Ask an expert
Question

05 Dec 2005

Mother-in-law problems
Hi, In a nutshell my mother-in-law is very negative and always making negative remarks, often about my personal appearance. In fact, she never visits me or make any effort to include me in activities with the rest of the family. My husband works away from home often and she knows Im often alone. I do however, go out of my way to visit her at least once a week and always turn the other cheek when she throws her hurtfull remarks about me i.e. my hair is not looking good or what Im wearing doesnt look right, etc etc. She NEVER has anything good to say to me. Also, when I tell her that her son got his first big job with the new business venture he started, she makes hurtfull comments i.e. that he should rather sell cars. I have worked very hard to make a nice cosy home for my husband and I am the best, most supportive wife I can possible be. I also take care of him as best I can and Never do I get one word of recognition from his mother. Not even your place is looking nice. never mind a hug or a kiss. There is just nothing in spite of all my efforts inviting her for braais (as I know she wont eat my food I would try inviting her for a braai) and visiting her. God help me when I have a child I can just see her critisising me non stop. My husband denies that there is a problem and is not supporting me in the matter. In fact there has been arguments about it between the two of us as I believe he should stand up for me and tell his mother that I am good for him and if she loves him she should b emore sensitive towards his wife. Should I be angry with my husband or expect him to intervene? I have been wanting to talk to her and rehearse what I would say to her only to have my mind go blank when Im finally standing in front of her and once again just keeping quiet when she criticising me. Please help I am scared of loosing it one day! I am ready to explode with all the built up hurt and rejection.
Answer 400 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sadly, unpleasant moms-in-law are quite a common problem ! Surely it is your husband's duty to have a long hard talk with her, to enphasize your good points and that he does not apprciate her criticisms or other unpleasant remarks delivered to you. He must understand that his refusal to recognize the problem is foollish --- she's not being unpleasant to him, but to you, and if you feel bothered, then there IS a problem. And even if he thinks there is no problem, how does he see any harm in still standing up for you and telling her clearly how good you are to him ?
If you find it hard to speak to her face to face about what is troubling you, maybe it would he,p to put it in a letter ?
ZeeZee's experience could be highly relevant here. And it sounds as though you have sensible plans under way already. Enjoy the new friends !
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
34% - 9269 votes
No
66% - 17868 votes
Vote