Ask an expert
Question

04 Mar 2003

Mums turned sex crazy!
Although the subject sounds pretty silly and stupid, I do have a problem I would like some advice on. My mother has been seperated from my stepfather for just on a year and has been pretty low-key when it comes to flirting or even going out.

Lately it is though she has turned sex crazy. It started off with her going out to night clubs with my sister and I, which I have no problem with at all but then she was hit on by one of my younger sister's friends whom is the same age as I am (24) and she took him home, he was all she could speak about for weeks. I don't know what happened between them and really don't want to know as it makes me feel sick thinking of what could have happened while my sister and I were still out. Recently she phoned home one evening, asked me to go to her friends house so she could bring home a man to have sex with. This man I know, once respected and thought of as a friend, is married with a child and trying for another. I didn't go to her friends because I refused to be told to go anywhere but in hindsight I should have because I heard every groan and moan while she very loudly had sex in her shower with him. Last week we went out again and she met another man, a hellava much younger than she is (who has a girlfriend), spent all night snogging him right in front of me and her best friend. Last night, same thing... she went out, came back early and proceeded to wake me up by moving my car so she could take this man home in her car. She got home alittle after 4am this morning.

Now I know she only has had 2 sexual partners in her life, my father being one of them and my stepfather wasn't Mr. Stud, nor was he sexually attracted to my mother for many years - and she is still very stunning for 43. I can understand that she is making up for lost years of fun but surely she has some sort of idea how my sister and I feel when she openly gyrating with a man on the dance floor. Not only is it embarressing but it is degrading too.

My sister and I have spoken about this to one another but it is starting to effect me in a big way. The three of us have always shared everything and are very close but I no longer see my mother as my mother but this sexual being that just can't get enough of sex! I've started avoiding going out with her because of her over-flirting (she just can't flirt - she is terrible at it) and because I have been ordered to call her by her first name and if I mention mum she goes beserk... she says if I call her mum, I will scare off any potential shag! I don't care... I have never openly flirted while she has been with me nor have either my sister or I got off with some strange man in our home (although we have been told we are allowed too).

I don't know how to tell her she is getting a bad name within my group of friends, as all my guy friends now want to shag her... do you know how that feels? I dont know how to tell her to tone it down and i don't know how to tell her what it feels like to watch your mother gyrate, bump and grind on the dance floor with an utter strangers tounge in her mouth!

What do my sister and i do to ease our minds?
Answer 709 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear daughter,
I'll be interested to see what other readers have to say about this one ! On the one hand, OK, she may feel she's making up for lost time, and celebrating her independence ; and it's hard for most folks to accept their parents as sexual beings.
But what you're describing is a woman showing no common sense whatsoever, running a high risk of AIDS and other STDs, being so promiscuous that she's not only ruining whatever reputation she once had, but rining her chances of finding a satisfying and happy, balanced, further relatonship ( who'll want to marry the local slut, when the marriage lines won't be "I Do", but "I Did" ... and so did I, and Me, and me too.... ? ).
She's showing simply bad manners in the way she's flaunting her promiscuity in front of her daughters and anyone else who pays attention, and is more than old enough to know this must be embarassing and potentially damaging to both of you.
But aren't there ways in which you two, perhaps without realizing it, have been facilitating this ? Why on earth do the two of you take her out to nightclubs, and introduce her to your own friends ? Can't you find new clubs, or new pastimes, and go out separately, to at least spare yourselves the acute embarassment --- and the implicit approval she may feel from knowing that you both know what's happening, and help her to do it ? Why don't the two of you move out and form your own lives, rather than being part of her harem ?
Why can't the two of you sit down with her and explain how you feel about all of this ? Not that you disapprove of her having a sex life of her own, but that the blatant promiscuity is dangerous and embarrassing, and that she is sowing no consideration either for herself ( beyond the immediate pleasures ) or for her daughters ?
It sounds as if you have got yourselves so caught up in impling approval by going along with her so far, that you feel unable to talk about it with her ? Talk. And let her know that it's because you care for her that you're telling her what other people are saying but not to her face.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
34% - 9270 votes
No
66% - 17923 votes
Vote