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21 Aug 2007

My ex is getting married
Hi CS

My ex husband and I separated in Feb, our divorce was finalised in April. It was all very friendly and amicable to start off with, until about a month ago. I have now been informed he has gotten engaged to his secretary, and ever since this has happened, he is verbally abusive and insulting towards me. I am also now feeling that all the reasons he gave me for leaving were a pack of lies. Since getting engaged he has also threatened to sue me for custody of our daughter. He has no grounds, I have told him so, and he seems to have backed off on that issue somewhat. But I have been told by him that since he is in a stable relationship and I am not, she would be better off with him. I just feel like it is me against them now. I am nowhere near ready to start a new relationship, I find it hurtful that he can be engaged a mere 4 months after getting divorced, but then to tell me my daughter would be better off because of it? I feel like I have really just gotten used to the idea of being divorced, but now I have to deal with the thought of a stepmom in my daughters life as well. It just feels a bit much right now. I am also not sure how I should react to the fiance. Last night they dropped things off at our house for my daughter and I did not even go outside to greet them. I feel incredibly uncomfortable even thinking about meeting her at this point. She showers my daughter with gifts, I am not sure what to make of that either. Help, CS! Help me make sense of my inner turmoil!
Answer 370 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Marrying his secretary so soon after the divorce, and becoming combative with you, are in no way signs of him being in a stable relationship at all. And of course it's nonsense for him to threaten to take custody now. You clearly need good legal advice, but no courrt would consider changing custody agreed to so recently, without serious evidence that you are suddenly unfit to care for the child, and it would not be impressed that a suddent marriage to his secretary would suddently make him a better parent. If she is showering the kid with gifts, she is foolishly trying to buy her affection, which is unlikely to work. Seeing a personal counsellor may help you to get a better grip on the situation, and to feel more confident about yourself
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