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04 Feb 2013

My father my monster
All of a sudden I am pre-occupied by thoughts of my dad my monster. The abuse...the hell that he made of my childhood. People say everything happens for a reason...and other phrases that mean ''you must have done some sort of wrong to have wrong done to you''. All these are probably noble phrases but I don''t know what wrong I did to be sexually abused, beaten and threatened. All before the age of 12.

He died about 8 years ago and people talked about a saint at the funeral. A saint I had never met. It seems his sainthood disappeared before my time. He had his hopes on having a son, but I came out female...may be that''s why he became a monster.

I did lots of counselling around 2006 when I was really depressed...not sure why this is coming back.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

"everything happens for a reason" is one of those useless comments that are popular among people who want to say something comforting, and can't think of anything actually useful, to say. What is more true is that you CAN find something useful to derive from even really bad experiences, by learning appropriately from them, and avoiding them in future.
But the original phrase does NOT mean you in any way deserved what happened, and one must never make that assumption.
If you were abused, especially so young, that father WAS monstrous, and if people stupidly thought him saintly at his funeral, it just shows how easy they were for him to fool.
There can be so many reasons why old bad memories might start to come back, and its usually worthwhile to again deal with this in counselling. It implies that the task of working through this wasn't fully completed last time round.
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