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02 Apr 2007

my girlfriend and my famili
hi everyone, please share your advise wtih me, i have a 21 year old girlfriend, doing her last year at varsity, we started dating last year march, now the problem is that i am currently working permanently like most people i have brothers and sisters and parents to help out financially,

first when we met i made my intentions very clear about my commitment to helping my family, Bra and sis get education and stuff back then she understood atleast that is what she said. lately a lot of changed, see my girlfriend is from a poor family and i don't mind helping here and there but i don't want here to be totally dependant on me, lately she has been becoming more and more dependant and i have noticed that i in turn have become bit resentful and a litlle hostile which is a behaviour that only prevails when i feel the need to protect myself....i don't want to lose her but i don't want to raise her either ......sometimes i feel she has aher family and my responsibility should be to spoil her take out and occassionally buy her things she want but i then feel guilty poof there we go again i buy her stuff at the expense of my family success, should it really be like this? is this how it is everywhere else where an upcoming man dates a lady with a disadvantaged backround..i buy her stuff but i feel bad i know i should use this money to help at home...but she too need this stuff and i can't afford the two....fcuk i am confused ...even if you think this is pathetic guys p/s don insult me, my day is bad enoug as it is.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Knowing your other committments, it is just not fair of her to deliberately bcome more dependent on you, and to ad her family to your list of dependents --- that sounds horribly like using you, having discovered that you were a nice guy. Her relationship with you should not be about buying her stuff. Relationships should never be about the stuff.
Your sibs ought perhaps to be trying harder to get bursaries, and part-time jobs. And if your gf wants to be able to help to support her family, she also ought to get a job
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