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13 Feb 2013

MY HUSBAND TO BE WAS RAPED
GOODDAY,
I AM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW ON VALENTINES DAY, AND HAVE DEALT WITH A VERY DIFFICULT FIANCE FOR 4 YEARS, HE NEVER OPENED UP TO ME, ONLY YESTERDAY, HE TOLD ME THAT WHEN HE WAS 15 , HE WAS IN A CERTAIN SCHOOL IN THE HOSTEL, ONLY FOR ONE QUARTER.HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS RAPED BY ONE OF THE ELDERLY BOYS, HE DIDNT KNOW THEM WELL, AND NEVER TOLD ANYONE BEFORE, HE JUST QUIT SCHOOL AND AS RESULT OF NO PROPER EDUCATION, HE CANT GET A JOB. THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM.THE THING IS , HE HATES HIMSELF AND GETS THESE DAYS WHERE HE TAKES A LOW, AND HE SLEEPS 24/7, DONT EAT, HE CRANKY WHEN HE WAKES UP, HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIS HAIRLOSS, HIS VEINS ON HIS LEGS, HIS TOE NAILS, HE SAYS HIS WRINKLES IS BOTHERING HIM, WHERE I CAN SEE A MAN OF 28, HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE WRINKLES, NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HIM, ITS ONLY HIMSELF WHO THINK HE IS A FAILURE AND HE IS UGLE, WHERE AS MY SELF, THINKS HE IS SO SEXY, OTHER DAYS HE IS PERFECT, HELP AROUND THE HOUSE, ROMANTIC,CUTE AND FUNNY, . IM JUST SCARED FOR WHAT I AM GETTING INTO NOW, THAT I KNOW THE TRUTH, WE WONT EVER CATCH THAT ANIMAL THAT DID THIS TO HIM TO GET JUSTICE, HE WONT EVER GET A DECENT JOB, HE MIGHT NOT EVEN WANT CHILDREN CAUSE HE IS SCARED HE MIGHT DO THE SAME TO THEM??? HOW DO I HALP HIM, AND HOW DO I HELP MYSELF, I AM SO FREAKED OUT, TOMOROW IS THE BIG DAY. I GUESS ITS TOO LATE TO WITHDRAW NOW, BUT HOW DO I TAKE IT FURTHER.
I DONT HAVE MONEY FOR EXPENSIVE SHRINKS AND PYCOLOGISTS, AND ALL THOSE THINGS. HOW DO I HANDLE HIS LOWS, AND HOW DO I STAY STRONG.
Answer 320 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Such awful things, sadly, DO happen. And, also sadly, its common that the victims of such rape and abuse form a very low self-image and low self-esteem.
Pity if its not practical to postpone the marriage - you realy shouldn't have proceeded to marriage with so much unresolved in his problems, even if you didn't know about the origins until recently. EVen before you learned this, going ahead with the wedding sounded like a really bad idea.
The problems are not going to be solved over-night or rapidly. He could and should be helped but probably only by a skilled specialist psychologist, and you ( or rather he ) might be able to locate this through your nearest major state / privincial hospital or medical school. It is HE who needs to rapidly learn to handle his lows better, rather than burdening you entirely with them.
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