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23 Apr 2006

My sister's marriage- I don't know how I can help
Please I need some help.
My sister and her husband are going through a difficult time and the only persons from our family who knows are myself and her husband's family. You might wonder why my sister informed us and it is quite simple. My sister is 30 years old and has 3 sons: one will be 8 soon, the other will be 7 soon and this June he will do the First Holy Communion and the youngest is 4 yrs and a half. Her husband is 27.

In these last couple of years, me and my fmaily, have noticed some changes in his behaviour i.e. he does not stay at home and play with his kids, he works late (and his job is not one which will keep him working till 9pm. On the other hand I think it is a 7 to 5 job. Anyway, he has a lot of debts as well. He decided to open up a bar but did not know how to manage a business and therefore now he is in shit. Then he started working with a car dealer and again he lost alot of money in cars. He always bought expensive cars and never think of buying cheap cars and start slowly...and then once he gave a car to a propective buyer, change the logbook and you know what this prospective buyer hustdidnot pay him...He has thousands of liri in debth.

My sister tried to help him out, she tried to find ways and means to justify his acts that is that he wanted to create a better future for them. however, lately something strok ehr and she linked one thing with another. She noticed that he had been drinking wine on a daily basis about 1 litre daily, he returned home late at night for example goes out at 4 pm and returns at 8am.. he did not want to answer calls and he does not want any help...my sister went to a family service but he did not want to accompany her...
I am worried I don't know how to help her because certainly you cannot force someone to receive help if the help is not desired and I am speaking of her husband now. I am worried for my nephews because they are still young but with or without their father, their life is always going on. I was asked not to tell my parents for now but I don't know how I can help....I just dont have an idea...I'm trying to persuade my sister to hcange behaviour because she's been hurting alot...I would like her to arrange her family situation but I dont want her to suffer...
what shall i do?
Answer 399 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I wonder, W, why you fel that YOU need to do something about your sister's marriage problems --- instead, surely, you ought to strongly encourage her to encourage her husband to join her in proper marriage counselling ( eg through FAMSA ) to work on their problems together --- they jointly dveloped whatever the problems are, and they, together, will need to jointly work out the solutions.
It sounds as though her husband has no skills or sense at all in business terms, and should not make further attempts of this sort, but should seek a good salaried job where, with others taking charge of the bsiness decisions, he could do better.
If he is drinking so heavily, staying out all night, and refusing to join her for joint counselling, he is creating problems and refusing to make any genuine attempt to solve them, and she should consider ending the relationship, for the sake of the children and herself, and consult a lawyer.
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