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08 Jul 2005

My son with depression
Morning all

I was wondering if perhaps there could be someone who can help me with my matter.

Here is my story. I am 24 mariied and a mother to a 7 year old son. I left my son when he was about 4 to work in Durban and that was before me and his Dad got married and therefor my son stayed with my Mom. Well in 2003 Nover me and his Dad got Married and hoped my son will also move out with us but instead he wanted to stay at my Moms, Well now he still does not want to come and stay with us as we stay with my inlaws and tells me that my mother in law in not treating him right so now i am very confused since my husband is also worried about my son not wanting to stay with us, he's even gone to the extent of asking my Mom about where do the street kids leave and where they sleep, so now i don't know whether i am in the vedge of loosing him into being a street kid or what, but i think sometimes there are some sihns of depression. Please advice me on what do you think i should do, coz i also need him to be with us, i know how much he loves gpoing to Wimpy but when we wanted to take him out on Saturday he just said no he doesn't want to, and he also told my sister that i have desserted him as i don't spend enough time with him but only with his Dad.

What do you think i should do here, or maybe we must send him to Boarding school or maybe find our own place?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sorry to hear about this, Thola. Sounds like a complex situation. Although you and his dad had good reasons for the decisions you made in the past, the boy may well both feel very much at home with your Mother, who probably feels to him as if she is his actual mother ; and he may feel angry if it feels to him as if you two deserted him --- so he wonders why you suddenly seem to want him back again. The inquiries about street kids are worrying, as he may be thinking of running away from home, too.
A boarding school would not be a good idea, and would feel to him like even worse desertion, and a punishment --- and of course would do the opposite of uniting him with you . Check out the availability of a skilled local counsellor, maybe even a chiold psychologist, who can talk with him, and help him to understand the situation.
And spend more time, both of you, to the extent possible, visiting home, talking with him, about how you both love him, about how sad you were that you weren't able to have him with you before now, and about how proud you are of him, and how much you'd like to be together with him.
Elsie's suggestion of having your mom accomapny him to see the counsellor, could be a good one, too, so he can feel less threatened by such events.
I think your mom is right about seeing a psychologist first, as they are more highly trained in talking with such a child, and their duty would be to help him sort out his feelings. A Social worker may be more interested in Welfare issues and might not be sharing the same aims that you do.
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