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02 Aug 2010

Naughty Irresponsible Father
Doc, something has been bothering me for too long now. My mom passed on some 7 years ago and my dad was never nice to her or to us (me and siblings) He always used to swear us and my mom. Well we are 6 children and i am the only child from him. And yes my poor mom had to live with this for many many years, swearing her and telling her about her OTHER children, etc.etc. They were together when she died and up to today he has been drinking NON STOP. Problem is he wants me to look after him. This has been going on for 7 years now. He stayed by me before, but he was convinced HE IS THE BOSS of me, my child and MY house....... Even did my washing and washed my panties and the list is endless. Anyway i got him a place of his own and bought him everything for his own place, He just had to pay his rent and buy food for him......Months later i was called coz he NEVER paid rent and owner said he said I will pay it........ He sold all the stuff. Anyway it went on and on, eventually the owner put him out.Than he stayed here, there and all over. Than i got married......He stayed with me and hubby and i got another child........ He gets a pension every month and drinks all the money out. We tried and tried. He swore my hubby, he swore me......He does it always when he is drunk..... He even swore the baby, coz he doesn''t like her and my husband coz i think he feels they took over his place, before it was just me and my daugther.Anyway NO ONE of the other siblings will help him and he knows it, it''s not their father. After him swearing me, my husband, we still let him stay by us. This went on for months on end. He is fine during the month, being the boss of the house and bossing my poor children around. Pension day we back to norm...he is p*ssed drunk and very faulty, even went so far as to tell my husband how he hates him.....Eventually he decided he had enough of us and left on his own. He is practically a hobo coz he is very rude and no one wants to help him. He told my cousin she must call me coz i have a house and he must stay in the streets. He gets a pension EVERY MONTH and he chooses to drink all of it out. Am i being very evil to say. LET IT BE. I have my own family and when he stayed by us, me and hubby were fighting non stop, coz he is a smoker and during the month i must see to smokes.......
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I agree with Purple. Apparently your dad has never been a nice person, and is selfish and expects far too much from other people without feeling a need to give in return. Make it entirely clear to him before you stop comunicating with him, that it has been and is HIS job to look after himself, and you are NOT going to look after him. If he can't be bothered to pay his rent, then he must face the consequences.
Refuse to ever see him or speak to him unless he is utterly sober and is no just wanting to persuade you to do things for him. Do NOT allow him to stay with you, or to boss you or your family around at all. As he has been unable to care for himself, he has no authority whatever to boss anyone else around.
if he chooses to be an unpleasant drug, he must accept the effects that choice has on his life.
You are not being evil in the slightest by leaving him now to live or die on his own - he made this bed, and now he must lie on it. You owe him nothing, and certainly you don't owe it to him to allow him to damage your life and that of your family.
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