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Question

07 Jan 2013

Need Advice
Hi
I am so torn at the moment. Desperate and yearning. My dilemma, I have two children and I want another. Greedy, yes. Selfish, yes. Unreasonable, yes. I have told myself them all. I have desperately tried to convince myself that I don''t want another. And yet, I still pray, wish, dream and beg fate for just one more. Everyday this wish is on my mind. I am consumed with the longing.
I want the big happy family around the table. I want lots of grandchildren. I want a big home filled with a rowdy family. I also want a daughter. I have two sons. I want to be pregnant again, I want to experience birth again. I can picture myself with three.
How do you take away a yearn for something you can''t have. Please tell me there is something I can take or do to rid myself of this want.
I know I sound ridiculously selfish. I don''t want to want something my husband does not. I hate that I have to feel like this 24/7 but it will not go away.
Please, how do you get rid of the aching yearn?
Answer 996 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

WHY do you feel so desperate to have another child ? What is it you expect ( probably unrealistically ) a third child will bring you, which the first two did not ?
After a third, why not a fourth, a fifth ? No magic number will automatically provide a large or happy family, or even lots of grandchildren.
Then you say you want a daughter. You might have 5 more sons, and no daughter.
You want to be pregnant and give birth. I'm sure you'd be scrupulous in looking after the children well, but I've found it unfortunately common to encounter women who love being pregnant and even having an infant, but then as the child starts to grow even slightly independent, they lose interest and want to replace it with another baby.
You have a dream of a perfect family that will probably not be met by any conceivable, actual family. It'd be far better to invest in CBT style counselling to sort out what is realistic and achievable and what is not, within your surging yearnings. The risk is that you might otherwise never be satisfied and enjoy the lovely family you already have, always yearning for whatever you don't have.
A secret to happines is appreciating and enjoying what you have, not trying to force the universe to give you whatever you don't have. YOu seem to be pursuing quantity with the false assumption that it will improve wlaity - the opposite is likely.


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