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05 Feb 2009

Need advice please
Hi All

I need some help here please.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 4 years. We have 2 gorgeous children. We have always had problems in the past because he has done something wrong, eg taken his ex fiance away (with friends) while i was 8 almost 9 months pregnant with our first child, spoken sexually (really bad!) to another woman for 9-10 months behind my back (i just so happen to find it on his computer) I went away on holiday with the kids for a week, while away he had sent her 28 sms' s in one night and he couldn' t even pick up the phone to call his family, found nude pics of her on the computer (i was always told that nothing happened, given him the benefit of the doubt and believed him, i was always expected to just get over it. If i did find something else he would kick me and the children out as if it was my fault because i found it. He always told me that he wanted his privacy and private life, he has finally gotten over that part and i have forgotten the past. He has always been very bad tempered, no matter what makes him cross he will take it out on me. I wanted to go away to see my family last year July which i do once a year, just myself and the kids. He did not want me to go and then evetually told me that I must leave and then changed his mind again.
He took my car away to be sold so i had no transport and evetually realised it was wrong because i had to fetch our children. He then brought it back and the next day said it was fine for us to go away so i made the plans. Next thing he comes with a " free"  trip to Mauritius saying it was to save our marriage. I told him that i had made plans already and he kicked me out there and then, I had to pack our bags and leave. He went off to Mauritius by himself, we never really spoke while we were apart. His mom called to say if i don' t go to Mauritius then our marriage was over. I thought that i couldn' t go because of the way he had treated me.
He called on the last day he was there and asked what would make me happy because i wanted out and i said to move to where my family stayed. We moved and we were much happier but he still has this terrible temper and he always screams and shouts in front of the kids. Last time it happend they were crying so badly.
When he got back from Mauritius he promised he would treat me better, it lasted 2 weeks. If he fights with me he ignores me for 2-3 days and then just pretends nothing happened and i must just forget and move on.
Last night i was doing my childs homework - in grade 1 and i called him to show him how well our child is reading. The school told us not to teach them a different way of learning to read because they get confused. Husband asked our child to read something that had not been learnt yet and my child looked at me for help, so husband was teaching our child to spell the word out, in Grade 1 they are tought paired reading and to learn how the word is show not spelt, all i said was that is not how our child is taught in school. Well i was screamed and shouted at. I went to show him a article on the learning our childs book and he threw it at me.
I use to work with him which gave me a lot more time to spend with our children, he has his own company. Now that we have moved i have to work full day and i get no help from him. Yes he takes them to school every second day and takes the Grade 1 child to after care. That is all. He goes to lunch with buddies and if i have something to say it' s my fault because i have to work. He complains there is no money and that is why i have to work but he can go have lunch with his buddies.He ignores me if i have something to say. He spends about 8 hours at lunch, the only reason why i have something to say is because the kids ask where he is.
He has promised twice that he will go to someone for help but doesn' t. He does not know how to treat me nicely so i see it as why should i be nice to him??
I am always with the children so i don' t get any time to myself, now i have started a Wednesday gym class with the girls. He didn' t help with the children at all besides fetching them.
He moaned as well because he says he gets no say over the children which is not true. He wants to be able to teach them things his own way. Why pay a school then???
How do i deal with someone like this??? I think i have mentioned everything.

Thank you
Answer 404 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Ooosh ! Marriage counselling should have been a major activirty years ago. Since then, he has been abusive and uncaring, and you hacve been encouraging him to do that, by basically accepting every bad thing he has done. See a personal counsellor to work out what would be best for you and the children. And that might not be remaining with him and accepting all his bad, impetuous and selfish behaviour
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