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19 Jun 2011

NEED HELP!!
i am in my late forties and have been married for 25 years. Found out my husband had contact with girlfriend from 30 years ago. Confronted him but obviously he denied any relationship as she stays far from us and they only had communication via sms and e-mail. Since then I can''t trust him and goes through his stuff when he is not around. He blames me for snooping and said I made my life hell for myself because I snooped. We fight over the smallest things. When I ask him if he still loves me, he always says " I''ll still decide" . If I talk about divorce or anything relating to our relationship, he will say " that''s what you have decided."  He doesn''t what to commit him to anything. He has been unemployed for 4 years and that also put a lot of stress on our marriage. Its the first time in our marriage something like this has happened. He also blames me that since the kids have been born, he felt casted out. I asked him why didn''t he told me that 17 years ago? Can somebody tell me how to handle this situation and my insecurity. I really what to save our marriage.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Once in a blue moon I have "contacted" or been contacted by, someone I knew at high school ( usually a great disappointment ) but that in itself is surely not something to have become so disturbed about. Was this really, even if by SMS etc., an affair ? Or a reminiscence or less ?
Maybe, having been unemployed for 4 years, he felt the need for an ego boost, contact ( in ways where she could not see how he may have changed for the worse in the meantime ) with someone who remembers him in what may have been his best days ? I really doubt that he would want to actually meet her, and have her see him as he is now, and learn about how he has spent the last 4 years
As you seem to want to save the marriage, why not arrange to see a marriage counsellor together, to better understand each other and see what can be achieved by working together ?

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