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10 Aug 2007

Need to vent
Things are not well in my marraige and for the last year been trying to find the guts to leave. I have a friend who is in her second marraige and was also having problems. When I informed my husband that I wanted out, he went to her and another friend, he says to find out what he could do to save the marraige, but the first thing he asked them was if I was having an affair! My friend told me a couple of weeks later that he had been there and that she felt she had to tell me because she is my friend. I comfronted my husband and now.......... every time I voice my opinion, or get angry about something he does, he says it is her that is telling me what to say and do, it is her that is telling me to leave him!!! As if i'm a total idioit that can't think for myself!!! She has been a good friend to me in this difficult time and is always there for me and although she has given advice and shared her stories and experiences, I have never felt like I HAVE TO do what she tells me!!! He also informed me that, if I leave he will fight me for the kids!! This is a man who for 10yrs, was not involved in his kids lives. Only when I told him I want to leave did he start making an effort to spend time with them.
After all this argueing, the other night, I come to the conclusiopn that he thinks that I can't think for myself and that I am a incompetant mother (he will get custody because I won't be able to look after my kids). Half an hour later he wants to give me hugs and kisses and is now so nice. It's as if he knows he has "broken" me down (mentally which he sort of did) and now he is acting like my best friend!!!
Answer 405 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like BOTH of you have invited interference in your relationship by other people, whether or not those others are well-meaning. See a marriage counsellor together, so the advice is available to both of you, and so it's expert and objective. As your friend is apparently also in difficulties within her own marriage, she's hardly likely to be a source of excellent advice on how to solve your own marriage problems, is she ? See a counsellor together --- fix things if they can be fixed, and at least get into a position to make a wise and informed decision about whether to stay together after having given counselling a chance, and learn how the problem arose ( it took BOTH of you to create these problems ) so as to be better able to avoid them in future.
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