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20 Aug 2010

no sex from fiance
i find myself in a situation were we have it maybe 2 to 3 times a month, i always want it but she will always come up with some or other idea wht we cant, because of this i have found myself not wanting to have sex with her at all, i still want to have sex just not with her anymore, i realy hope that she will understand when she wants to do it and i say no
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Expert
Sexologist
Sexologist

01 Jan 0001

This sounds like a worrying beginning to your relationship (I see you are engaged). I recommend that this is addressed before you go on to marry as these things don't just naturally resolve themselves. Whilst I can sympathise with your reaction, it is also going to contribute to a negative spiral and I fear that this will lead to greater problems in the relationship.

The reasons for her avoidance of sex need to be understood - it is reasonable that you ask for an understanding. She may not be able to understand this by herself as most of us have limited knowledge of our sexual response and so we often apply unrealistic expectations on ourselves or our partners. Your reaction also needs to be addressed as it sounds a little passive aggressive - you need to be clear with her about your concerns and address them head on rather than with tit-for-tatting. Tell her you want to understand what is going on and try to address it rather than simply avoiding the problem.

Claire - SASHA
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