Ask an expert
Question

08 Feb 2013

No sex with my husband
My husband and I have gone through a bit of a rough patch lately. Normally we would have sex once a week maybe. I run my whole household and although I have a full time maid I also work full time. When we get home, I still have to cook, and bath the kids, put them to bed and then still shower and tidy the house up. My husband does not help much.

By the time I sit down its almost 10pm and I''m exhausted. Now I know I need to make the time to be intimate with my husband. But right now its not high on my priority list.

I feel that he needs to help me in the house and then maybe I''ll have a bit more energy for other things. He also expects me to come to him and to initiate the sex. But I want him to come to me. We don''t kiss anymore either, he has said that he does not enjoy it much, but I love it! It is also very boring with the same position all the time. There is no fun anymore.

I''ve spoken to him time and time again, but it always results in a fight and he takes it personally and feels that I''m attacking him as a man. And that he is not capable enough and does not satisfy me.

Sex does also not last very long, and he gets very worked up about it.

I don''t know what to do as I feel very frustrated and very bored with him sexually that is most probably the reason why I''m not interested much.

Please can you kindly offer me some advise?

Thank you
Answer 396 views
Expert
Sexologist
sexologist

01 Jan 0001

Dear Anon,

Your description of the reality of your life and relationship and its impact on your sexual relationship is very very common.

Your predicament I would say applies to almost 70% of heterosexual women I see as a sexologist, who have children and need to work full time.

Unfortunately this forum would not be sufficient to address your problem. The reality you and your husband find yourself in has come into existence over time by the setting in of patterns of behaviour, often driven by pre-existing ideas, beliefs, values and cutlural practices with regards to the role of wife, mother, father, husband etc, each shaped by your individual families of origin.

On top of that you both have your individual personalities, temperaments and ways or reacting to difficult and challenging situations.

My best advice would be to consult a couples & sex therapist to help you unravel and then navigate a new path for your relationship and sexual relationship.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.