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07 Dec 2005

No where to go, No where to hide, No one to talk to.
I have decided to write about the challenges that I face in my life. I don't really want to talk about it to anyone. I have struggled the last three years in particular. Imagine being the MD of a company and you really want to stay away from work every day. I have been part of building in my opinion a very successful company with a great future. I have tried to be positive but I am not sure of what is causing my unhappiness. I know we have the choice to be happy, but sometimes your environment makes you unhappy. At work I feel I cannot connect to my co-directors, I feel lonely, I try to go with the flow but I just cannot talk about my problems, it will only make matters worse. I am not blaming them but myself, why do I fear them so much and what can I do to rid myself of this fear. And in the middle of all this I broke the most important rule in staff relations I fell in love with a member of staff from the first day I saw him. He represents everything that I want in life, he has come to teach me about the importance of balance in once life, about the importance of love and waking up with someone your heart wants to be with. I just cannot see that happening in my life. Maybe I just fear to much to make a change. I seem suspended in time overwhelmed by stress and consumed by my affection for staff member. I run every day but that does not seem to help anymore. I feed off the goodwill and good moods of my co-directors and they are not normally in good moods.

I am facing a brick wall and just don't know what todo. Maybe I should just go with the flow as always and just remain positive but deep down I cannot deny that there is something terribly wrong; I think it's the stress of my job ( I never thought it would take so much out of me emotionally) Then my heart is just so sore of this guy that I love, I really love him to bits but I cannot connect with him and its making me so unhappy. I think of resignation often, but I know that's not a choice I have. Maybe I can just take a break on my own to sort out my life and gain a new perspective and motivation. I feel so lonely, like there is no one I can talk to, there is no one I can trust. I so desperately want to tell this guy how I really feel about him so that I can move on, but I am not sure if that's the right thing todo. Surely life must be about having a degree of sanity and happiness and I know that only we can make it happen, but I am struggling to get the will to make it happen. In the past I have always managed to get the will, but now I am struggling.

I just want to run away some days, where I don't have to face the struggles and pain in my life, and yet I cannot talk about it or act on it because it will destroy my future and make me look like a weakling in the eyes of those around me; so I hang on, no place to go, no one to talk to, no where to hide.

I am not a negative person and I believe in what I am doing at the company and strongly believe in the company's future, at least I have achieved what few achieve in a short time and that is you can take me out of the equation and the company will run normally. I think I have become the problem at the company, we need a new leader who has the zest for life and is hungry and motivated, I feel tired, worn out and emotionally f….


I never thought one day I would have been so unhappy after having achieved all the success what I wanted all my life.


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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear .........
This sounds like the sort of territory where psychotherapy / serious counselling, can help a lot. I know that you say you don't want to talk about these problems --- and of course it makes sense to be reluctant to talk about them at work --- but there is no need to be so solitary and lonely, and with a counsellor ( who is skilled at making it easier to start such discussions ) I think you would find it firstly a great relief, and then, especially with a Cognitive-Behavioural approach, very useful, practical, sensible, and in line with your general way of thinking ( or you could never have achieved all that you have, so far, achieved ).
Work like yours always does take far more out of you than you expect ( if, like you, one actually cares about the quality of one's work ) --- but again, with counselling, one can devise ways to make it far less wearying and stressful, and still more productive. I agree that resignation is not an option and wouldn't solve anything.
A counsellor provides a trustworthy person with very relevant expertise and experience, with whom you can safely discuss all these issues, examine them from different points of view, and re-form better ways of dealing with the situation. You can recover all the vim and motivation, and creativity, you had.
best would be to find and start with the counsellor first, than plan to take a good break / holiday, for a couple of weeks, perhaps, once you have begun to see where you will be going, and take the time to refresh yourself in re-creation.
Oh, and I think you would do best with a skilled general CBT-style therapist, rather than with one of the guys who specially market themselves glibly as providing solutions to all business / work problems.

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