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02 Mar 2004

not able to see the guy I like? what now?
Where do I start?! I'm very confused..my mind & my heart is telling me 2 different things! I met a guy about 10 years older than me..divorced with a child! He is so special, really! The kinda guy I've always had in mind..but, my parents don't want me to see him! I've assured them that i will not see him again, cause i don't want to hurt them..they've been through a similiar situation..my sister got married to a man who's had kids from a previous marriage! Because my parents have been through it themselves, I can understand their concerns about being involved with someone that has kids from a previous marriage, all the trouble that goes with it, but what if this one is different...! It bugs me so much, cause i feel i haven't made up my mind, it's been made for me! I can't stop thinking about him, eventhough I haven't had contact with him?? I'm young(23), but how do I get past this, do I tell my parents I want to see him & decide for myself if this is the kinda guy I want and if I like the situation or do i forget about him??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear mandy,
We always feel that "this one is different". Sometimes we're right, sometimes we're wrong. You do need to make the ultimate decision for yourself, but beware of a very common trap --- we strive to be independent, and don't want to have a decision forced on us by others. But don't let yourself reject the idea of ending this relationship JUST because your parents think you ought to do so. Sometimes they may be right, after all ! And it's no more independent to automatically refuse to accept their advice, than it is to automatically accept it.
Kernel makes an excellent point in suggesting that you ask your paents and sister to tell you about the problems they suggest ( you could learn from this ) rather than having them concentrate on telling you what to do. And explain to them that you intend to make up your own mind about this, and may end up agreeing with them ; but that you expect their support if you should decide otherwise.
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