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Question
05 Dec 2012
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NOT SURE WHAT TO DO?
So I have posted before about my bf of 5 years bn committment phobic and not been able to decide what he wants. We took a few months break although he is clear now that he wants more committment there are no actions and everything is planed for the new year.(delaying tactic I think)
A few days ago I told him I needed a break as things were getting too much. This morning I phoned him after three days not talking and after some questioning it turns out he invited a lady friend over to his house for drinks - he did volunteer the info. So I have had to endure waiting around, been faithful and loyal to him while he sorts out his issues and I ask for just a few days and he phones someone else. I feel like a fool! They had drinks and chatted for two hours. He says he knows its me he wants and he is so sorry and can I forgive him? I actually dont know how to feel - thoughts of hurting him pop into my mind. How selfish can someone be. He felt I was pulling away so he calls someone up for an ego boost or backup or what? He now wants us to move in together...but I feel betrayed. Am I overreacting?
A few days ago I told him I needed a break as things were getting too much. This morning I phoned him after three days not talking and after some questioning it turns out he invited a lady friend over to his house for drinks - he did volunteer the info. So I have had to endure waiting around, been faithful and loyal to him while he sorts out his issues and I ask for just a few days and he phones someone else. I feel like a fool! They had drinks and chatted for two hours. He says he knows its me he wants and he is so sorry and can I forgive him? I actually dont know how to feel - thoughts of hurting him pop into my mind. How selfish can someone be. He felt I was pulling away so he calls someone up for an ego boost or backup or what? He now wants us to move in together...but I feel betrayed. Am I overreacting?
CyberShrink
I really doubt that he's "committment phobic" - this isn't phobia. he just hasn't found anything he wants that he cant get without committing to someone else.
Think about this.
Nothing you describe sounds like a guy who actually wants to commit to you. It doesn't sound as though he feels his relationship with you so seriously that what he did seemed to him like betrayal or anything serious. He apologised because he knew you would want him to do so.
Moving in with him would not be a step towards committment, it would give him more convenience without significant committment - it's burn bridges more for you than for him.
You've been highly accomodating for a long time, and he has had more than enough time to make up his mind. Move on. You deserve better than this
Think about this.
Nothing you describe sounds like a guy who actually wants to commit to you. It doesn't sound as though he feels his relationship with you so seriously that what he did seemed to him like betrayal or anything serious. He apologised because he knew you would want him to do so.
Moving in with him would not be a step towards committment, it would give him more convenience without significant committment - it's burn bridges more for you than for him.
You've been highly accomodating for a long time, and he has had more than enough time to make up his mind. Move on. You deserve better than this
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