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13 Nov 2004

Passive aggressive male causes confusion
Hello there CS ~

Do you think someone who has an extremely bad case of passive aggressiveness can ever change, even if he is 50 years old already?
and has NO insight in this problem?
Well, I probably answered my own question with that last one...can ANYONE ever change if you don't even acknowledge that there is a problem...

Anyway, then I should probably ask you if you think that it is a good and healthy idea to be living with such a person (and now we have already established that he is not going to change...) ?
I don't think so, but I don't want to sound bitter and negative and without any hope...
And in any case, I cannot leave this person, I have to live with him...

So, I should probably ask you if you have any ideas/ suggestions on how to survive living with this person??
Matters are further complicated by the fact that this person is also my dad.

And would you consider life with a passive aggressive personality a life lived in an abusive environment?
Yes, I know you don't know my dad (lucky you) but generally?
This should be easy to answer, as my dad could be the poster child for passive aggressive personalities.

Sorry if this rather resembles a treasure Q leading to another etc... but I don't think you should complain. I think it's actually very logical and the quality of my question is better than some of the other stuff people post on here. Totally unrelated anything...(thinking of the utter useless-ness of "sparrow"'s post...12653 What did he want you to say to that???!!! rather alarming...)

Answer 357 views

01 Jan 0001

Hi Belinda,
It may be the "50", and the personality problem aspect of passive aggressiveness that may limit the capacity for change, especially if the indivudual doesn't see this as a problem worth him tackling. Without insight, why would anyone want to change, or see the need for trying ? Especially with the sort of problem that more often inconveniences other people tghan himself !
Re-reading your messgae, you have shown a remarkable capacity to repeatedly answer your own question! Is if a good idea to continue living with him ? Well, it's more likely to be annoying than risky, so it'd depend on a balance of adantages and disadvantages. If you've already decided that you MUSt live with him, for whatever reason, then presumably the question changes to HOW to live with him. No, not abusive, but annoying and tiring.
Recognizing the existence of this pattern, it's not absolutely compulsory that you allow this to get you annoyed, and by remaining calm, but patiently expecting him to do what he should have done, you might improve the situation somewhat.
Nice to know you don't think I should complain, as I hadn't planned to --- maybe you're picking up a few of dad's tactics ?
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