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19 Aug 2007

Playtime
How do you get a father to want to spend time with his kid and realise that it's fun spending time with her and not work?

Returning home after work gives him headaches and he's spending a whole lot of time sleeping. Always tired and perhaps a bit depressed. I feel guilty about all this because I reckon he's getting back at me for not being the woman he married.

I wish we could be happy. I wish I could be happy cause when I'm happy, I can make people happy but at the moment I can't see happiness even on the horizon.

He's a good man, someone worth fighting for. Just wish he could enjoy his child the way I do.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Apart from the specifics of your question, it's always really hard to get someone to WANT to do something. In fact, it's usually easier to get them to do something, whether or not they want it, and after doing it for a while, they may grow to want to. From your description, I suspect that it's NOt a case of him not wanting to spend time with the child, or not wanting to enjoy doing so, but you are describin a man who sounds exhausted and stressed by his work, and maybe Depressed as well, who hasn't the energy to spend quality time with anyone, even if he wanted to. Have you tried gently and calmly chatting with him, in a very non-accusatory manner, about his work, and what's making him feel so tired, and how depressed he has become ? You may be able to persuade him to see a good local shrink or at least a good local GP, for a proper assessment. If this is depression or a reaction to chronic work stress, treatment can help a great deal, whether with medication or, probably better, CBT counselling. When he is better rested, less stressed, more feeling confident that he can handle the work pressures, you may well find that he is happier with you and his child.
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