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14 Jul 2005

please help- I dont know what to do
I’ve been going out with a guy for almost 2yrs now, I have now noticed that as much as we love each other I don’t think things will work out for us. Please I need advise will it or will it not?
We are very different in almost everything from clothes, food, sexual desires etc. he takes everything in life so seriously, I like joking and my joking offends him, I like flirting (with him) he thinks only ‘cheap girls’ do that, I love exploring other sexual positions, he just prefers the missionary position atleast he does love oral and women on top but other stuff no! he is very strict doesn’t allow his younger sister to go out, if he finds out she has a boyfriend he threatens the boyfriend (scares him away, promises to kill him if he sees him with his sister) and I’m afraid he will do the same to our children, I believe in let them spread their wings, he is ‘my way or noway type of guy. If thinks don’t go his way he gets angry and doesn’t talk to any1. He fortunately doesn’t believe in hitting women but he can be so aggressive that I sometimes think he will lift a hand.
I don’t know what to do or think- I love him very much but we seriously are different. I’m the first girl he slept with. We are from different backgrounds Im from a township he is from the rural areas and I asked him just as part of a conversation what if his mom doesn’t want him to marry some1 from the township and he answered he cant disrespect his mother, if my parents don’t like him we will have to break up, if his parents don’t like me still we will break up because our relationship wont go anywhere without blessings from our parents- Im 21 and he is 22.
Maybe I’m overeacting but I don’t see our relationship working ou
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Lovey,
Nobody out here can tell you for sure whether this will or wont work out. A relationship counsellor could help you make that clear, and to see what might be done to make it more likely to work out, if that is what you wish.
Things work out well where a couple are different in styles and personalities --- AND where they enjoy the differences. Where they don't it usually doesn't work out well. I'd be wory about a guy who is so controlling with his sister, and who even talks about killing people. And don't expect him to change ; that's very unlikely.
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