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08 Dec 2005

Please help me
I need to just speak to some one today, I feel very depressed today and it’s brought on by thinking about the way I lived my life. I am a person that would always put other people first and today it just feels like I have had enough. I am very suicidal today because I can’t break free from this life. As a councellor I was taught what to say at the right moment to some one going through a rough time. All my life I never experienced anything, only for three months in my life I really lived. Being irresponsible and enjoying myself then everybody told me to get my life sorted out and I thought ok. I got married at 21 and had a child at 23. Now I feel as if I am trapped in this web where people look at my life and scrutinize everything I do. I have been told that I am a very understanding and responsible person. My god, I am only 25 and I feel like I have missed out on everything young adults do. I want to be free and do what I like I never had that opportunity. I need some time for me to reflect on what I want, I am tired of being responsible and giving advice to people. I usually give advice on what people go through and as a councellor I tell them exactly what they want to hear. I give compliments and encouraging words to people and answers to Q that I don’t really believe in because I was taught to do that. I hate being me and I just want something, anything else. On the one hand I feel like giving everything up, and on the other hand I am so scared that I might be making the biggest mistake of my life and somewhere down the line, when I am 40 or 50 I will be so alone and hating it, and I guess that’s the reason why I hang on to this marriage. I need some one that I can talk to, some one that would love me even if I make mistakes, some one to take care of me, and provide my every need. I don’t want to be the supportive one and understanding one. I also want to be able to make mistakes and not be held accountable for them, or at least be forgiven. I want to feel appreciated for what I do, because after all I do so much for other people. I hate what I have become, always smiling, laughing, giving advice and being understanding when people make mistakes. I want to be able to show that I am sad when I am, and clearly pissed off when I am. But it’s just not like that. People depend on me too much. Am I being crazy, am I the only one feeling like this or are there people out there who feel the very same way and how do they cope. All I know is that today I am very very depressed and I want to show that and be accepted aswell.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Odd, isn't it, for a start, that so many of our readers were feeling chipper and rather good in recent days, and today so many seem to be having a down day ? How did this synchonization of mood come about ?
The past should not be kept as a source of misery or bad feelings, but as a source of lessons which enable us to plan a future that is better.
With a more skilled CBT-oriented counsellor, you can surely achieve what you seem to be seeking, and re-order your way of life to make up for some of what you seem to have missed out on, without losing what you have actually gained. As a therapist, unlike what you sem to have been told when training as a counsellor, I teach NOT to tell people what they want to hear, but what they need to hear, which is indeed often different. My job isn't to make them artificially jolly, but genuinely more open to joy ; and not to make myself popular. You'll notice that sometimes my advice to some of our correspondents is most uncomfortable even when it is most useful.
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