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05 Feb 2003

Please tell me what to do !!


Dr, i hope some one can help me, my problem is my husband, he won't give me space and he is always accuses me with my ex husband, if i wan't to go to my kids (that i already give up for him) he is telling my am going to have sex with my exhusband and i no, it's not true i'm just there for my kids and he telling me when i get home i'm always tired and don't want to sleep to him but it is not true i'm tired of his fights and blaming. He must understand i have kids and can't just leave them just becauce i don't love there father. no he is taking my car and phone away he says i don't need it just because he think hi is rigth by blaming me with my exhusband and i no i'm not doning anything wrong. so tell me how can i enjoy sex with a husband like this.
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Expert
Sexologist
sexy

01 Jan 0001

Many women feel an immediate need to deal with the problems they have with their spouses when they come for sex therapy. However, it is a basic truth that change must begin with the self. Beginning with personal work anchors us in our authentic loving selves and develops an appreciation for the complexities of change. We can make new choices for ourselves although we may not be able to change our partners.

Right now, if your partner asked you to do something you didn’t want to do, could you say no?
When there are attachment problems from your early life, you may feel the need to control others, whether directly or through subtle manipulation. Co dependence means centring your attention on the other. It is the illusion that you can somehow fix your partner’s problems, control unwanted behaviour, or get to him or her to change. Many women, as well as men, hold tenaciously to such illusions that are permanently doomed to failure. Such behaviour inhibits sexual self-expression and blunts sexual desire. Co-dependent women accommodate their partners’ desires and bypass lack of sexual feelings to engage in sex, simply to please. Bypassing uncomfortable
feelings to accommodate your partner’s desire erodes your sexual responsiveness.

This question directly targets your ability to stay individuated in your relationship. Acting in your own best interests is the opposite of co dependence. You can refuse your partner’s request when it is not in your best interests, and work on soothing your anxiety about his reaction. If you are totally honest in your answer to this question and you find it hard to say, “no,” you need to strengthen your boundaries. You must begin to set limits on unwanted behaviour and act in your own best interests more often.
Please contact POWA, or NISAA or an organisation taht can help you to take control
SASHA 0860 100 262 can assist you with the above numbers

Regards
Dr Elna Mcintosh
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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