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02 Dec 2012

Post 493: my sister
Thanks for the advice. I know my sister just wants the best for her kids and I respect that because they are well behaved.
I have a very strong emotional connection with the kids.
I only have a bachelors degree and my sister a PhD. She far more intellectual than I am. Even though I am bipolar I function in a very demanding job and earn a good salary.
My problem us just that whatever I tell her about my work or my personal life she gives me these disapproving looks.
I work hard, So hard that I don''t have energy left for much.
My DSTV is my only company because I''m single. If I tell them about a program (they don''t believe in TV), even telling them about Masterchef, they are disapproving. We don''t agree on anything. She trusts the people from the church she founded to watch the kids. She has not known them for longer than a year. I''ve only had a good track record with the kids. I was their dedicated babysitter when I stayed in the same town as they did.
I had a very bad year and I''m sure she looks down on me.
She told me last night that she doesn''t approve of my therapy or my medication. I am weak because I need medication and therapy. She will trust me with the kids when she goes to the movies, but not overnight. She basically said she dissaproved of the way I lead my life.
I just wanted her to watch the family comedy with me so that we have something in common.
I respect the way she brings up her children. But I hate it that she cannot accept the way I lead my life. Work is most important to me, because I get positive feedback there.
I will do my best with our relationship because of the kids.
Is there anyone that can understand that I would like to be accepted. I have no interest in her life. But I try. They haven''t visited me in 5 years. I go out of my way to visit her, spending R2000 on parking and kennels to visit. It is not appreciated.
Answer 471 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Are these "disapproving looks" particular to you ? I know some people whose face at rest, just looks very disapproving, or that's how they look at almost everyone. But it sounds like she's one of those people who are disapproving on principle, not of things that you like or suggest, but of anything and everything that's not her own favourite or habit.
But then, it reads like a throwaway line in your comments, but "the church she FOUNDED " ? She founds churches ? How much more sanctimonious and over-controlling could she get ? And if she loftily "doesn't approve" of diagnosis, proper medication and therapy, an area where she is monumentally ignorant and untrained, how big-headed can she be ? It is never ever "weak" to need and accept treatment from proper professionals ; its weak NOT to do so.
It's weak to accept the selfish opinions of self-appointed religious leaders who make lofty pronouncements about things they don't even begin to understand.
Of course you deserve to be accepted - but look towards acceptance by normal, healthy and open-minded people, not from a verkrampt bighead who had to invent her own church to make herself seem important, and is so weak she can't understand or accept viewpoints different from hers.
So the real problem is why are you not moving ahead with the pleasant, happy life you so much deserve, without wasting time, effort and money on trying to get respect from someone so warped within their own private little church that they can't respect anyone but yourself ?
What you're doing is like dismissing your life as a failure because you haven't succeeded in teaching your dog to sing the Hallelujah Chorus !
Set yourself free from any need for seeking her approval, and attend rather to the more natural and normal values of most ordinary people.
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