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15 Mar 2004

pressure from partner
My son is in a relationship with a girl for the last 3 years. She has a problem with my (mother) and son's sister, as well as sister's friend. Is putting pressure on him to tell mother and (sister's) friend that they are not welcome in their home. Telling him that he has got no backbone because he is not telling friend to leave. The sister's friend has been a family friend for the last 15 years. The son is under immense pressure at the moment and we are worried that he could attempt suicide. Could you give me some advice. We have told him that we feel that she needs help. His reply was that she does not want to do it he has also suuggested it.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear anonymous,
I'm sure this is a complex and alarming problem, but I'm finding it dificult to understand the particulars you describe. Your son is in a relationship with a troubled girl, I gather. This girl has a problem in getting along with ? your mother ? or with her own mother ? ; and with a friend of ? your sister, ? her sister, or ? your son's sister ? And with this sister's friend.
I'm also not clear how this problem arises as usually there's by noneed for her to have much if anything to do with the three people she doesn't like. Are they somehow living together ? Is your son and his gf living with your mother ? or with his sister? And is this sistr's friend living in the sam place with them ? Do they have an option to get a place of their own, and live without these people being part of their lives ? It'd be a bit of a cheek for the girl to live with your son and his family and friends, but complain that she doesn't like them. She could find her own place to live, surely, with or without him.
Maybe she would benefit from getting help, but help canot be provided, nor actually improve things, unless SHE thinks it is needed, and works seriously and sincerely with the counsellor.
If you'd like to explain the areas that confuse me in your question, please do so in a new posted message, as I won't see further replies within this specific thread.
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