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11 Dec 2012

PreTeen Rude Disrecptful behaviour
Dear Sir,
I have a 9 year old daughter who can be extremely sweet, kindhearted, caring, loving and all those nice things BUT her rudeness and disrespectfulness can not be tolerated anymore. She complains to me see hates her mom and say things such as " I wish I never had mummy or daddy as a parent" . The other day she was quiet rude to her grandmother and the list goes on. One can not believe I`m talking about the same child. I hate to spank and I think she`s too old for me to wack her. I love my daughter very much and I get angry at others who pick a fight with my baby girl. Please help by advising me how to teach her to be a good little girl with manners. No back chatting or been bucky.. please help a loving dad!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Spanking and whacking don't work, so that won't solve any problem. And at 9 years old, she is NOT your "baby girl", and maybe that attitude is encouraging her to behave like the spoiled brat child you're describing.
Purple is right. You and your wife need first to agree on a code of acceptable conduct for the child, then sit down wih the kid and explain, calmly but very firmly that these rules are not negotiable, and that they include NO disrespect and rudeness to other people, parents or others. And spell out a code of punishments, that for breaking these basic rules, she will lose for a set period of time ( extended if she repeats the bad behaviour ) things she likes - access to TV, cell-phone, games, whatever SHE values. By keeping to the rules and behaving politely and pleasantly - and you can emphasize how very nicely she so often does this - she can regain the privileges lost.
SO, one outburst of rudeness against someone. and she loses her cell-phone for 3 days. If repeated within the week, she loses it for a week.
And things she wans but doesn't have yet, she has to earn by so many weeks of good behaviour.
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