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Question

13 Dec 2012

problem tween
Hi Doc,

I posted a couple of weeks back about my 12 yr old daughter who was having " phone sex"  on a soical network site.
I confiscated her phone for a week and gave it back to her with the internet disabled. I also went through the whole story (again) of what the dangers are, doing this etc. Now with that behind us, the next problem:
Whilst at her friends house yesterday, the 3 friends (all aged 12 and a half) decided they would walk to the local shopping centre (2km''s away). This they did without telling anyone, knowing it was wrong. Thankfully they made it there safely, but I''m at my wits end. I''ve again gone over the dangers of doing this, but I feel like everything I say goes in one ear and out of the other. I''m a single mom, battling to find the right way of getting through to my daughter. Its overwhelming at the moment, and I worry for her to the extent that its affecting my health.
Where am I going wrong? How do I get through to her? Please help.

many thanks
Answer 257 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dont blame yourself. At around hat age, kids believe they are personally invulnerable, individually exempt from the facts of life.
Emphasize to her that the responses you make are because she hasn't grown up enough, yet, to recognize the real dangers in the world out there, like a toddler who doesn't realize boiling water can seriously hurt her, and wants to play on the stove.
I agree with Milla about refusing to allow her to visit the girl she was with then, or any other chum whose mother will not be there to supervise them and to prevent such foolish impulsive actions.
I also like Milla's emphasis on making it clar to kids that visiting pals homes, having a cellphone or web access, etc, are PRIVILEGES, and not RIGHTS, and are conditional upon using these opportunities sensibly, responsibly and safely.
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