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16 Feb 2003

Pushing away friends,family and boyfriend

I'm 17 and I really think there is something wrong with me.Apart from being depressed most of the time, I 'm starting to think that I'm pushing away everybodywho cares for me on a sub-conscious level. Since school's started(I'm in matric) I ignored my boyfriend.I did not actually have a reason but I just didn't want to be with him. Things got better but recently he left me, which I totally understand,but now I am so mad at myself for pushing him away. As for my friends, I constantly get the feeling of rejection.I don't know why because I know all of my friends care for me, but still I feel extremely rejected and because of that feeling I push them away aswell.It feelslike I'm going mad or something.I cry almost everyday, I get angxiety attacks and I sometimes have thoughts of committing suicide. But it's not just my friends, it's also problems at home. My mom and dad have been divorced for 16 years,which is only starting to bother me now, but for 13-14 years my mom and I have been living alone.Approximately 2 years ago we moved into a house with my moms boyfriend. I don't have a problem with him nor do I with his sons, but my mom ignores his 6year old son flat.She doesn't give him time of day, which is understandable as he tries to make life a living hell for her, but now my mom and her boyfriend is fighting and I'm starting to fear whether we will have to move out somewhere.I sometimes just want to pack my suitcases and go to my dad's but that's impossible as he lives too far away. Please help me.I don't know what to do anymoreI just want to curl up into a ball and die!
Answer 328 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Wacked,
OK, firstly, lets postpone the ball-curling and dying part. You sound like a fairly normal unhappy teenager, wo seems to have some issues about closeness / intimacy / wanting people to care / accepting their caring, and so on. This could be very fruitfully dealt with in counselling, which I'd recommend.
You seem to describe expecting people to reject you, and, when they don't, acting so as to push them away and bring about the rejection you're expecting.
It doesn't sound, from your message, as if you hav anyone with whom you can just sit down and chat about whatever's bothering you. and maybe ater a counsellor has filled this role, you will be able to find alernatives, to avoid building up the pressure of despair you describe.
And what about this 6-year-old ? How does he get on with you ? Might it be possible for you to talk over HIS problems with him ? Maybe helping him a little, would help you too ?
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