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01 Dec 2005

Pushing him away
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year now. I still find myself hurt by his past relationships even though he tells me that, compared to me, they meant nothing. Whenever I am alone in his parents' house, I have a habit of snooping. Something draws me in. And I still keep finding pictures and things of him and his old girlfriends. He was overseas for a few months just after we met and he lied about a relationship he had while he was over there. OK, we were dating, but we had just met days before he left. He swore to me that he had gotten rid of all the pictures of him and her. Then I found more. One of him kissing this other girl. And plenty of negatives of photo's of him and her holding eachother and kissing and laughing. It really hurts because we don't have any photo's like that of us! He NEVER does that sort of thing with me when people take photo's. It hurts so much EVERY DAY and I can't get over it. To top it all, he is so far up his family's butt that I feel like a distant second. Now that he is starting to try to put me first, I feel like I'm in this habit of pushing him away. And he doesn't seem to care that his younger sister is forever running me down and being rude to me too! She just gets away with it. If I stand up to her in front of all of them, I get into trouble! Every day I wake up with this pain inside and I can't talk to anybody because they say I'm silly. They don't care. Why can't I get over my past? I've tried taking pills. I've tried talking to a professional. I've tried to put on a happy face but NOTHING WORKS! Like I said, one doc says I have depression...the other says I need to talk to somebody...other people seem to think I'm stressed out. Any advice?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Oh come on guys --- his past relationships are PAST. What you're doing, emotionally, is like paying not only this month's rent, but also rent for every previous December, and every future December, as well. Let it go.
You didn[t see the right counsellor if you haven't got over this yet.
The fact that he had several exes is, as Tropuble points out, strong evidence that he preferred you over all of them --- or you'd be one of the exes, and he'd have married someone else. But this jealousy for events before your mariage will break up any relationship, in time Work on it aggressively with a modern CBT style counsellor
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