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09 Jan 2013

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please help me and please dont judge me. ive been in a relationship with a married man for three months, from the start i wasnt kean on having the affair with him cause i felt it was wrong. he kept on telling me that he loves me and that he want to build a future with me. His wife is deaf and his got two small boys, his wife doesnt have an income and is a housewife. i had troubles before with a relationship with a man and he helped me though it is seeing that he is an industrial phycologist. As the relationship progressed he got vere jealous and possesive and hacked mY facebook to see what men i am chatting to. But above all that i fell in love with the man, he told me everything i want to hear, i was vonrable and he saw it cause i was sore about my previous relatiionship that didnt work out. he dont just ended it cause he aparently thinks i have to many male friends. I feel so cheated on, he knew how i felt about all of this, i am mad now , i gave everything to this person. he is now back with his wife like nothing ever happend i have to deal with the broken heart. i have evidence that can destroy his marriage i dont want to do it but i feel like it, i just need peace in my heart and like to know how to deal with my anger. please help me!!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I understand your plea, but please recognize that when anyone feels the need to plead not to be judged, it strongly suggests that they already recognize both that they will, and probably ought to, be judged as having done something that was pretty-well destined to end unhapilly.
Affairs with married people are not only "wrong" in a general moral sense ( and always infl;ict undeserved harm and hurt on innocent others ) but they gardly ever work out more than briefly happy for the primary participants.
It is inevitably true that a maried man prepared to cheat his wife by having an afair with you, will be entirely prepared to chat you as well. Expecting a happy relationship with such a person is like inviting a paedophile to be a babysitter, and expecting happy results.
NEVER ever forget that someone who wants free sex with you will tell you what you want to hear -filter anything he says or does through that fact.
And what you describe sounds pretty typical, that while considering himself free to have as many relationships as he wanted, he didn't want you to have anyone but himself.
The other law of nature your story confirms is that however sore you feel when a relationship ends badly, don't rush into another relationship in an attempt to feel better - it just adds to the misery.
Sadly, he probably wont be "back with his wife" ( whatever that actually means ) for long.
But dont give in to the temptation to act vindictively. This will hurt her more ( and she doesn't deserve that ) and will be MUCH less satisfying to you in reality than it may seem when thinking about it. It will not end your anger or bring you peace.
Rather see a good local counsellor to work through this, and also to focus on your low self-esteem.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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