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05 Jul 2011

raising children
I have 2 girls (ages 6 and 8). The youngest one is a very obedient, sweet little girl who always does as is expected. The older one is a a bit of rebel and I feel that she is looking for more attention albeit negative attention. My husband and I dont know what to do anymore.. we praise her when she does something good, we talk to her about her behaviour, but still she is nasty with her sister. She tries to be good and to listen, but seems as if there is always a constant battle between us and her. Please give me some advice or a name of a book I can read to help me with her. I dont want to break her spirit by hitting or punishing her all the time.. there has to be another way???
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Often one can manage this sort of situation, by giving her extra attention whenever you can catch her doing something good and right, and withdrawing attention when she misbehaves - yawning, looking bored, ignoring her ( if possible ), even The Naughty Chair. If she persists, express the rules very clearly, and the consequences. For each day she is pleasant to her sister, she earns a star on a chart, and 7 stars in a row earns something (modestly small ) she likes. Any time she is unpleasant to her suster, she gets no star that day, and maybe even loses 2 existing stars.
Hitting is useless. Punishment in the sense of losing affectionate attention, and losing privileges and pleasures, does work, so long as it is applied consistebntly.
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