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04 Mar 2003

Raped and

I was raped in 2000 and did not report the incident, because afterwards I developed feelings
for this guy but only to find that he was not interested. I remained like that until todate not having
a boyfriend because I always thought of him, the first time I saw him I just felt in love.

On Saturday while I was going to play lotto one of my friends told me that the guy was
buried last week and I feel very sorry because I did not go to him, and told him how I
felt about him. Maybe he would not have died.

I am blaming myself for what have happened, I loved him and did not show him.
Answer 318 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Nompumelelo,
Please stop blaming yourself --- you were a victim of this rapist, who did something cruel and unjustifiable to you. You did nothing whatsoever to harm him. Rapists do not deserve to be loved, and are not looking for love.
It is recognized by psychologists that under some circumstances, victims of rapists and other violent aggressors can ( though it seems amazing to other people ) come to have strange feelings of fondness for the person who harmed them --- there have been cases where hostages taken by bank-robbers, came to fel positively about the men who held them prisoner, and wanted to help them This is understandable, but not a healthy response that is worth acting on.
He raped you, he didn't care what harm came to you, and he made it clear that he didn't care about you even when you tried to be friendly towards him. What is there to love about such a man ? You don't say how he died. In no way can it be your fault or your responsibility. He chose to lead a violent and selfish life, and such lives do at times end young. Knowing that you loved him would not have saved him --- such men are not able to love, and he would probably not have valued the love or you, or anyone.
But be sure to check whether he died of HIV / AIDS, and have your blood test done, to be sure that he did not infect you, as is possible with the style of life he lead.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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