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04 Aug 2007

Re 2541
You are right in a way about why I didn't want to go for councuilling....I don't want it to work. I devoted 15yrs of my life to this man and it was an uphill struggle the whole time!!!! There was always some 1 else something else that was more important when we were dating. I gave up so much of my life waiting around for him before we were married and after we were married, his parents or his sport were always more important. I fell pregnant, before we got married. I had already started doubting our relationship. but when I fell pregnant I thought it was a sign, that we were meant to be together, so we got married. I had to move out of JHB to the "platteland", promises were made that we would move back it's 11yrs, i'm still here. His time off that he had from work was spent with his parents. I felt we should be spending it alone together, seeing as our marraige and family started off not in a normal way. He didn't agree. When I eventually found a job all i did was work and look after the kids and the house work. He was never there always on his own mission sport parents and I had to cope on my own. I have never been so lonely in my life and I eventually forced myself to accept that he didn't love me. he only married me because I was pregnant . I tried talking, I ranted and raved and it all just fell on deaf ears. He thought I was happy. and of course he was happy. He actually admitted that he thought he only had to work to get a wife and once you are married you don't have to work on the relationship!!! He had this old fashioned opinion that men make all the decisions and woman are there for the sex (not often) looking after the kids and cooking. (I pay half off all purchases, renovations, and bills I think I can have a say too) I have given my life up for him!!! I don't even know who I am anymore!! I felt trapped and I never want to feel like that again!!! I resent him for "giving " me nothing!!! For making me feel like nothing!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Its been a tough time, hasn't it ? So he was in a sense betrayed by an upbringing that taught him a very old-fashioned, male chauvenist concept of mariage. Maybe some individual, personal, counselling could help you ; before considering mariage counselling ? Depends in part on what's available where you are
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