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04 Mar 2003

REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE
im a girl, im 21 years, i have a boyfriend he is 21 too,we ahve been going out since 2000 but thing got ugly when i started to go to varsity last year cause now im not with him all the we are hunder miles apart , our promble started when i ask to visit my friend in kimberly, he didn't want me to go there then i didn't but when i got home on the holidays he dumped just because i wanted to go there he what if i went without him knowing he called realy dirty name like slut - etc then even tough i did nothing i begged for his forgiveness cause i didn't want to losse him then everything was ok

then one friday he came to my flat early in the moring saying he is visiting for hte weekend but the problem was i had to go and see my parents my mother was sick he got so angry after begging me not go but i refussed again he called me but this time he went over board and hit me on my face till i drew blood from my nose.

then after fiasco we took a break then he came back again and asked me to forgive him i did cause i don't know wether its because of love or for or i don't wanna break the promises that we made to each other i really him,we suppose to get married but my parents could it of know i don't how i really fell about this person cause he doesn't call any more we are just out of conversetion when we are apart but when we see each other we both act like we really love each other

then now i really don't know how i fell do i love him or what and there other thing his family loves me very maybe i don't wanna let him go because of them im afraid of disappointing them

i really don't know .
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Lonely, I don't like the idea of your feeling you had to beg him for forgiveness, when you had done nothing wrong. Then, maybe it was a single act, but he showed abusive and violent jealousy, again as a gross over-reaction to a minor matter that a mature man wouldn't have caused any scene about.
It often happens when one falls in like, or even in love, with someone when one is young, that you grow apart as your lives develop in different directions. Staying with someone you have less and less in common with, and who seems to show excessive possessiveness and jealousy, and an unwholesome desire to control your choices and actions, is usually a really bad idea. "Disappointing" him, or his, or your family, is a tiny matter by comparison to getting you both tied into an unloving, conflicted, and miserable marriage. You could still remain friends with him, and with his family. But don't even dream of marriage , with anyone, until you are satisfied that you have truly got to know each other, during times of stress as well as times of calm, and that your love for each other is free, unselfish, and comfortable in the long run.
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