Ask an expert

24 Nov 2005

Hi I recently admitted to myself that I'm gay, still single thugh chatting to many guys online, I've only told my sister. My problem is that I dont think I should be ashamed of being gay, yet I somehow feel shy and afraid to come out at work, no one knows about me? I'm too shy to pick up a gay magazine at CNA? But at least I walk around in the gay section at adult world.
My question is why am I acting like this? Why cant I just tell the world who and what I am??? I like who I am! Also I've decided that it would be best to only tell my parents about my sexuality once I'm in a commited relationship with a guy, I don't think they'd take me seriously otherwise, and I know they wont accept it, I'm 24, they're in their 60's, what could I do to make it easier for them?
Answer 342 views
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
gay, lesbian and bisexual expert

01 Jan 0001

Hi Digler, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting here.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay - you're self-conscious because this is relatively new to you and because you're uncertain of how to interface with the straight, sometimes prejudiced world around you. In an ideal world your being gay would be of no social consequence at all - you'd feel confident of being completely accepted. As the article downloaded and pasted by Out and Proud mentions, coming out is a life-long process and you're relatively new at this.

I'm chuffed that you state that you like who you are - with time you'll develop a stronger sense of being proud of your sexual identity.

I also admire your compassion for your parents. Many of us are deeply stressed at how our parents will respond to us when we come out - as if we can assume responsibility for the possibility of their rejecting us - and yet you're more concerned about making this easier for them to deal with and you're trying to ensure that they'll believe you. Don’t fall into the trap of pretending to be straight - don't pretend to have a girlfriend and don't try to keep your gay friends away from them. Disagree with them or challenge them if they make negative comments about gay people and it could be useful if your sister could make a few positive comments about gay people your parents know, or gay characters they see on TV.

You seem to be doing very well for someone who's only recently come out to himself, but I'm a bit perplexed by your second statement: "...still single though...". Don't expect to be in an enduring relationship too soon, you may have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince. There's no need to rush or to be impatient.

And Out and Proud, I'm pleased that you pasted the article here - thanks :)

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.